Time Warp

As I walk through the cobble stoned streets I look up and see the sky changing from heavenly blue to shades of gray as it usually does at this time, and for a moment I regret that I haven't brought my umbrella.  The air is thick and carries a sweet scent from the river Scheldt which was guarded by the giant Antigoon until he was defeated by the young hero Brabo who sliced the giant's hand off and threw it into the river. Today it's about 18 degrees Celsius which is considered warm weather this year.  I don a medium heavy coat and a shawl and notice how hopeful I was as I adjust my sunglasses in my hair.  It feels like spring because I'm not freezing or wearing a hat and gloves.  I've been travelling a lot the last 6 months and home is where the suitcases are. A cold weather suitcase and changing weather suitcase. Distance helps me see clearer.  Some folks say I'm fleeing.  Pondering my ancestors I realize that most of our family were nomads. I like to think of travelling as change and that change is learning. Since I am not as disciplined as I would like to be with regular stuff and don't fancy routine, the travel school is a great way for me to learn: languages, social skills and survival skills. Although all too often I think of my sister Pat in Texas who went back to school at such a late age it was truly inspiring.  When I grow up I too will go back to school.

The Sugarhouse has become my Keep or Donjon. It's the castle of my mind. My days are swept away by the soft winds of the Scheldt while I go about my business of doing.  A 10 meter roll of Chinese rice paper is partially unravelled.  I doodle shapes and textures with bamboo brushes wet with tints of chestnut browns and buttery yellows as I chat with my friend May about reanimating a charity project.

The night before last I could not sleep and listed to lectures about why we create and felt true love to my incurable desire to communicate profoundly. And during my nocturnal awakening I recounted thoughts of love and matrimony and realized that we can be as we are together and apart.

All that glitters is gold

Today I followed up on our delivery to the X-treme Lab in Antwerp.  It feels good to have our 24k gold Lasses Larissa and Lena shining down on Prunier Caviar. Mike Albrow and I are getting around and we like it swank.

4. May 2012 water mixable oils on linen. Sometimes I think I'm more Chinese in my paintings than I am in other aspects of life.  A couple years ago at the Art Innsbruck in Austria I met a collector who insisted I must be Chinese because of my color usage.  I feel that in this painting and he was right.  I'm also Norweigan. This summer I'll head to the hills, literally, to Bergen, Norway where I start my journey to my great grandfathers birthplace. The closest I've come to Norway is cycling in Sweden's Skaneland and reading Nooit meer Slapen (Beyond Sleep) by Willem Hermans. I expect fjords, rain and spooky cages of jagged mountains. I've heard if you are far enough north that the sun circles around the sky in the summer.  That is if you see the sun through the rain and the clouds. In the meantime I will practise being cold.

Learning to walk

I spent the better half of my morning learning to walk again at the Tango Factory El Sur.  Quickly into the rhythmic walk I understood my mentor Anton's preoccupation with the Tango Argentina and noted the many Zen like similarities to creating a work of art. The dance begins with a balanced posture, arms engaged pressing firmly into the others, while leaning into one another slightly. The easel is slanted slightly forward as I lean towards my canvass. Once rapport is established, I wait and respond to what I feel. Dialogue begins with a first step. After receiving a sign I respond to the gesture aware and balanced. Our 4 legs walk sideways, backwards and forwards and our upper body is one. Improvising while focused and aware of each new gesture.

In the meantime I'm sketching out my project for Iceland. Having learned that 1 in 10 residents are published it seems fitting to work through my personal tales. Preparation is necessary and I would like to avoid cumbersome supplies as well as long drying times. I believe that paper, ink and a Mac book will suffice.  Of course in addition to a wind parka, long underwear, a fleece and hiking boots. I will try to refrain from taking photos as I have learned from love that any attempt to capture beauty is an act of corruption. WOW that sounds harsh.  Never the less I am more interested in telling a story than in freezing time.

Below are two sketches from my moleskin dated July 2011.  Keeping a diary is proof that we are clairvoyant and know much more than we are prepared to accept at the time.

to free or not to free/anything to avoid the truth

The sun and the stars belong to everyone, don't they.

I'm busy in a good way wrapping up commissioned portraits and beginning a new series based on Marlena Dietrich's lyrics 'Ich weiß nicht zu wem ich gehöre, Ich bin doch zu schade für einen allein". ( I don't know who I belong to...)  In the meantime the three panels below are finished and found each other as a triptych.

Living next to Rockoxhuis is truly a gift, the most loved mayor of Antwerp who invested the majority of his salary in charity... thus the arts.  According to legend Rubens would never have been discovered was it not for the patronage of Rockox. They were buddies and used to hang out one block away from yours truly. The gardens are beautifully maintained in the original manner in which they were planted.  In the cellar orange trees wait the winter out until they are placed in the garden each summer. The museum is scattered with sacred, satirical and pornographic paintings.  He clearly bought what he loved. 

Everything is Recantado.

Yesterday I experienced withdrawals since my recent fling with conventional oil mediums in Winterthur.  I'm torn, aware of how water mixable oils will change my world.  And yet... I find myself attached to a memory of a toxic past.  That's what being in love is like, it's an optimistic maker, it expands perception. Silly me. Longing for that which is not good for me. Skating over sleek oil spills on sheets of linen was a breeze. Because it was so fluid my experience was fleeting and my materials needed to be rationed. As a result I turned to jute to give me the resistance I desired.  Once again I found myself in a similar predicament, experiencing resistance in materials, although for different reasons.

Henry Miller is right - to paint is to love.  Clearly my dissatisfaction lies in what I fail to see.  In the past I threw caution to the wind when it came to, well just about everything.  Things are different now. Especially since I read a quote from Nan Stone which began to haunt me ,"you're important, but the world is important  - what are you going to do for it? It's a dialogue between you and your strengths and a world that needs them."

Today is different. A new page, a new chance. I've plunged into portraits and find the medium is adhering to my whims. Painting portraits from memory is just the cure I need.  I won't post them quite yet, as I really don't want to offend my friends, family or loved ones. I know it's risky business being a painter, in more ways than one, however I love the sentimental path of recapturing the essence of those I adore without them being present.

I guess this is the Recantado part: it's MAP time of year and I'm rounding up all the loose ends while preparing the 5th issue for publication. Switching from painting to texting is taxing and I wish I had spent more time learning Mac Speech.

Commuting from Antwerp to Winterthur.

Domo Arigato

I received permission from Winterthur Tourismus to use this video as I wish for my promotion. Here's a short extraction. This was a challenging afternoon speaking German to a Japanese film crew.  Interesting yet mostly fun. What more can I say.

Wishing Well

Some blogs ago I made seven wishes and a resolution.  My one resolution was to learn to listen and as a result I am smoke free. Last week my ship came in when I received an invitation to Iceland's Baer Art Center Artist in Residency Program. Scoring tickets to Burning Man was high on my wish list. Task complete! Now I'm whiling away my beauty sleep dreamily with Scott London's Photos which are truly firing me up for some surrealistic activities. Creative collaboration wish number ? will culminate in Iceland and crescendo in Nevada at Burning Man. My first wish was living in a place where people are happy. By people, I probably meant me and I now realize that most people are satisfied as long as they don't live with me. So with this in mind I feel a bit wiser and a lot happier.

This is actually a very complex painting which I began the year I arrived in Switzerland.  It was full of turbulence and reflected the conditions I found myself in.  I completed the painting last week.  It is now anchored, clear and balanced. This painting has integrated my past and has become more vivid and less intense. I know I've used this quote before, however more vivid and less intense does apply to me.

ART Auction Gallery Art Seefeld

The ZKB Art exhibition displaying works from over the past 10 years will run for another two months. I'll be giving guided tours on he following dates:

Friday 16. March 14:00 Hrs
Meet at the Restaurant National Bahnhofplatz

Wednesday 18 April 19:00 Hrs
Meet at ZKB entrance on the Stadthausstrasse 19:45 Sahara Bar

Friday 20 April 12:20 Hrs
Meet at the Restaurant National Bahnhofplatz

This Friday three of my works will be auctioned at gallery Seefeld.  Please join me for this interesting event.

download pdf

Exhibition Zürcher Kantonalbank

For a guided tour please contact me directly

Some paintings need the right time.

These small panels of Larissa and Lena I began way back when, they were intended for the exhibition at Gallery Labusch in December.  I'm rather late.  I won't apologize as some paintings need more time than others. Some paintings need the right time.  It took a while to rekindle dreamy innocence.  Romance drifted once again into my world as I devoured Henry Millers 'Big Sur and the Oranges of Hieronymus Bosch'.  His oranges refer to my redwood forest Nymphs and how they glisten in the golden coastal sunset. And so since I began this rich book I decided many things. Two are almost certain. One is to witness the Garden of Earthly Delights at the Museo del Prado and the other is to visit Salvadore Dali's home in Figueres during the Nocturne. Both are excellent ideas.

In the meantime I am back to huge bountiful abstractions using up all the materials I have in my studio in a new series titled 'Recalentado'.

A New Chapter

Solitude is keeping me focused. Today I received my first three phone calls since Friday, which gives an impression of my conditions.  These past three weeks were prolific and I've rounded off my first seven panels which appear more vivid and less intense as previous works.  I feel very much in the present with exception to the occasional bout of nostalgia.

There is no reason any longer to use solvents, except of course to use up the oils which I already have. Sure the paints are different in feel however change is learning.

Amai! (Flemish for oh my) Stars!

Portrait no 61 Title: Amai! Stars!

Another work in progress, still using water mixable oils. Perhaps the first really content self portrait.  Self portraits are a great tool for introspection and a serious matter.  Self examination helps clarify what has been and what is.  I am happily astounded by the all that has come to be and that which lies in the future.

Wei wu wei (do without doing) - Toa Te Ching

Doing without doing is hard when you're a doer.  Still some things must be done. Coordinating the logistics for my next exhibition at the ZKB Zürcher Kantonal Bank in Winterthur from a distance poses certain challenges. All the while challenges make life super interesting and require action. The bank was rebuilt in the 1970's and maintings a retro feeling associated with the post modern era. It's wood paneled interior offers a warm and elegant backdrop for a variety of works from over the past 10 years which will be on display.

7. March -31. May 2012: Zürcher Kantonalbank 
Untertor 30, 8400 Winterthur  - opening 7. March
For guided tours during this 3 month exhibition please contact me directly for an appointment to view works from Monday through Friday 9 - 16:30.

Above: an unsuccessful attempt to do without doing

I decided to wait it out and see what happens. To do without doing. To not take on new projects that may lead me astray from my path - Lao Tse (the way).  To finish what I have begun. Savoring the solitude in below freezing temperatures, I'm pleased to find discipline in painting and daily walks through the streets of Antwerp.

My exploration continues undaunted. I like the newness of water mixable oils and paint for longer intervals without being influence by troublesome mind altering solvents. Clean up is efficient and I need not be concerned any longer with spontaneous combustion due to rags drenched in mediums. These paintings which are in their first phase of completion are intended for this falls exhibition together with my daughter Gretchen at the Kulturschiene in Herliberg. My theme is 'abundance' and is expressed in color, texture and movement.

13. - 31 September 2012: Kulturschiene
General Wille-Strasse, 8704 Herliberg Feldmeilen
http://www.kulturschiene.ch/default.html

oil on linen 100cm x 70 cm

On the way to the Sugar House

I'm battling the icy cold temperature of my studio in snow boots and a ski jumper while adapting to the new circumstances which have resulted in an involuntary Vipassana.  As you may already know, I recently established a second painting studio in the 16th century  'Suyker Huis', once upon a time Antwerp's largest sugar refinery. Smack dab between the Royal Academy of Fine arts and the Literary Museum in the old city center, this gem was frequented by nobility and well known painters...so they say.

Here in my Antwerp studio I'm experimenting with environmentally friendlier oil paints from Cobra which are mixed with water.  The consistency is somewhat different. Comparing these paints with standard oils would be like comparing almond flavored rice milk with full cream.  Both are yummy however I prefer rice milk on a daily basis.  So who knows this may be just my thing.  I like the faster drying time and i'm curious to see if the pigments maintain their brilliance over time.  So far so good.   In the meantime, thanks to Paulo and Stefan I had a carbon filter installed in the Winterthur studio which filters the solvents produced by the quick drying painting mediums I use.
Left: Studio in Antwerp, Right: Carbon Filter in Winterthur

Diary excerpt 31. January, 2012
Facing the back of the train she sees the landscape disappear into the horizon in front of her.  She  contemplates time as it seems to fade into the snow dusted farmland and rolling hills. Facing the front of the train she's bombarded with images that her eyes try to grasp within nanoseconds. She notices that her head leads her body forward at approximately 15 degrees while examining her reflection in a shop window.  Travelling in a train allows this difference of 15 degrees to equalize itself.

Her train takes her to the solitude of a sixteenth century sugar factory haunted by whispers of lovers and duels, where she will work through the night uninterrupted and focused.

Vernisage Altes Stadthaus Winterthur

26., 27. &  28. January 2012 17 bis 22 Uhr
Marktgasse 53, 8400 Winterthur Switzerland
www.outside-inside.ch

Hotel Hamshire

traveling old paths anew,
staying in a room with views of chariots and decapitated heroes

harnessing adventure
while ice hearts melt in the pastures and we wait for what life shows

Double selfportrait in the same crazy room that Diana Ross and Herman Brood lodged at. How did I get here?

A dream to live for, a dream to die for. Which is yours?

This expression was coined by Antonio/Michelle in a quaint Parisian apartment with light from three sides, on satiated bellies from Suzannes christmahannukwanzadan Delights. We're plorking (work-play) productively and silently together, with pleasing thoughtful interruptions. Antonio edits and reviews his filmed workshops and me I'm making a SWOT analysis for my next project. Antonio elaborates on Jungs individuation which is the subject matter of his workshop and is so totally relevant.

Expressions are telling. Her resolute and determined stare is confronting and demands full attention, she is resilient and seeks integrity.

This is my process of painting a self portrait.
integrity: undivided completeness nothing wanting/ a concept of being congruent

Art is what makes life more interesting than Art

Recently a shrewd businessman suggested I attend a marketing workshop, inspired by Lady Gaga’s success, to discover tools to achieve greater financial prosperity.  Although this did appeal to my marketing sensibilities powered by generations of Chinese and American genes, in all honesty the wind flew out of my sails. I was pigeon holed and surprised by the lack of understanding of what makes art - art, all the while confronted with my own survival instincts.  Yikes.

What is art and what is not. A short interview with Milton Glaser

Luckily Hansje, an inspiring friend and creator of the Polliniferous Project - A World In A Shell, read my mind and sent this Email, "maybe this gives you some impulses" with a link to Contemporary Art Daily's article about Robert Filiou's vision:

All art is life is play, and all are part of everything in the world all the time.

This brought a big smile to my face. 

Never the less this was a wake up call.  Once again I reevaluated my artistic motives. Inspiring deeper feelings by creating worlds which engage participation of the viewers imagination is what seems to be the root of my calling.

Whatever you do do something else...

As a result of this slight provocation I discovered that I did not want to spend my time doing the same things I once did. Was someone else actually telling me to think big? If art-being-life is intergalactic then my journey has only just begun!

Title: Meisje niet zo snel weg rennen, het is gewoon een beetje roest op het hart - dat kan je weg poetsen.

Do what makes you happy!

I won't bore you with the mundane existence of a painter.  Instead on this marvelous day I'll share my wish list. Not just because I'm an Eddie Vedder fan.  I don't wish I was anything other than what I am. 

I see now that it took seven wishes to come to the heart of my wish.

7. Receive the Baer Art Center summer residency
6. Go to Burning Man
5. Live in a city where people are happy
4. Experience intense creative exchange
3. Give more workshops on intuitive painting
2. Learn to listen
1. Follow my heart

This year I decided to really love myself and do what makes me happy.

What I love about painting is the blank canvass.  The not knowing aspect of life.  My approach to painting has so much to do with feeling colors, finding balance, maintaining the aliveness of the materials with tension and harmony. Recognizing the integrity-intention of each brush stroke without judgment. The gift of focus and trans like qualities experienced when drawing and painting most of us have experienced as children. Talents are gifts, and according to Lewis Hyde's book The Gift, a gift remains a gift only if it continues to be gifted. 

Once again I find myself in front of the blank canvass of life ready to paint my richest dream and I will include all the colors of life and the wisdom I have learned through painting. 

Finding an adequate satisfying image of the world

This piece is inspired by the British Philosopher Alan Watts, who lived much of his life in my stomping grounds Marin County.  It's a small part of a larger group series based on my concept of Utopia. Patterns and polarity are fundamental aspects of the painting process. Watt describes beautifully how we are the Big Bang! We are omnipotent.  And if we examine our lives we will see that patterns are the essence of our behaviour and how life is not a conflict between opposites, it is a polarity. His most important message is how our ideas shape the world we live in.  And stresses the urgency of finding an adequate satisfying image of the world.

Utopia.